


Feeling Never Enough

by muttthecowcat22



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Finished for, M/M, Poetry, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-26 03:30:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13849158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muttthecowcat22/pseuds/muttthecowcat22
Summary: A collection of poetry that follows Victor and Yuuri through their first year together.This is my heartbeat;This is my life.I have to deal with this myself,But pleasePlease,Don't make me do it alone.





	1. Vicchan

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of poetry that I originally published on tumblr. Now complete! (Though I'm not saying I'll never add more to it ;D) Each poem is told from either Yuuri or Victor's pov.
> 
> Now in chronological order. Happy Valentine's Day <3

**Vicchan**

Your curls are soft,  
Did you know that?

Your body's warm,  
Warmer than mine.

Please keep me warm.

Because I'm scared of  
Other people.

But you,

I'm not afraid of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri


	2. Small Worlds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, from here on out, I'm trying to put these in chronological order.

**Small Worlds  
**

The first time I saw you,  
I saw your hair  
And the glare  
That you put up for the world.

You put it up for me too,  
But I knew  
Even then  
That we were alike.

We both want to soar,  
And we both want to win,  
But  
You beat me to it.

Show me how  
To touch the skies,  
And if you like boys  
With dark hair  
And dark eyes.

And I will jump  
Until I fly  
Higher  
Than you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri


	3. Home

**Home**

Things have changed  
Since I was here.  
I thought I would feel it more acutely.

That it would all have  
Moved on without me.

I’m numb?  
I’ve lived so many places,  
And none of them claim me.

You’re all still here, though.  
You’ve changed,  
But not so much.

And, I’m moving too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri


	4. Stay With Me, Seagulls

**Stay With Me**

Nothing in this world is ours,  
Not really,  
Not truly.  
So what am I supposed to do  
When my dream  
Pretends to be  
Mine?  
I want to pretend.  
I  
Want  
To  
Pretend.  
But then it will break me,  
To watch him go.

 

* * *

  **Seagulls  
**

Some soar higher than the others,  
The entire sea within their reach.  
  
They are alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Stay With Me: Yuuri  
> \- Seagulls: Victor
> 
> Thanks for reading! Please consider leaving a comment or kudos to let me know what you thought!


	5. Eros

**Eros**  
  
I thought I only needed one chance,  
Just one.  
I waited for it, prayed for it.  
  
Except now  
I'm at my second or third,  
  
And it's fluid,  
Running through my fingers,  
Caressing over all the cracks  
From the chances I took before,  
Loosening around the edges.  
  
I'm ready  
To throw away myself  
And become anything  
You want me to be.  
  
This is my chance.  
  
You can have my food  
And my home  
And my soul.  
  
Everything.  
  
Except,  
  
Some chances are only once.  
  
You'll never know  
The parts of me I'm getting rid of,  
The parts that dreamed  
You'd notice  
Before now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri


	6. Agape

**Agape**

Today,  
We ate katsudon,  
And,  
This isn't what I thought it would be.

How can you sit there  
Unaffected,  
Just a blush every now and then—with prompting at that,

And not notice  
That I'm drowning.

It's fast and heavy,  
There's no escaping it.  
There's no way this will ever keep being enough.

It's not about that night anymore;  
It hasn't been since you found me in the hot springs.

It's about the way that this—  
That I—  
Mean something to you.

It's about the way that I don't know  
If I can go back to living without this.

You care about me,  
Really,  
I can feel it.

And it's only been what,  
Three weeks?

But I've never had this before,

And it's pathetic,  
So pathetic,

And I need you to not let me go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor


	7. Sakura Season

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from Victor's pov. His first spring in Hasetsu.
> 
> Written for @yoispringfling on tumblr.

The sakuras here,  
A west wind blowing through them,  
Dark wisps in your hair.

I've never seen them  
Before.

They're  
falling.

A tall branch laid bare.  
You pick a bloom off the ground  
And thread it through my hair.


	8. Legends

**Legends**

You're sitting just a handsbreadth away,  
Nearly shoulder to shoulder,  
Your feet in the sand,  
Your hands on your knees,

And legends are just that,  
Aren't they?

You're real, tangible,  
Here next to me,  
The same ocean breeze in your hair  
As in mine.

I can reach out,  
Smooth the sand off your arm,  
Thread my fingers through yours.

I'll take this moment while I can.

And you look at me,  
And it means something.

It means something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri


	9. Home N°2

**Home No.2**

The ice here is soft,  
Except for in the rink.  
It melts into the ocean,  
Runs in droplets down your hair  
And off my back.

I'm thawing slowly.

Most of them don't stare anymore;  
They know me now.

They call me yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor


	10. Pride

**Pride**

Falling.  
My first fear on the ice.  
I lose my jumps,  
I hesitate   
And fall anyway.

You tell me not to take the risk,  
And that,  
-That-  
Makes me want to take it more.

I fall,  
But it didn't feel terrible this time.

I feel proud.

And I see it in you too,  
And in them.

So I'll keep falling and falling and falling  
And falling and falling and falling  
And falling  
And  
Falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri


	11. Words

**Words**

There's that thing,  
That one thing  
That's worse than anything else.  
And you said it to me.

Now that you've said it,  
There's nothing you can do,  
Nothing you can say,  
To make it better.

I can hear my heart beating,  
Yes,  
Yes I can.  
Can you hear it too?

I'm alive in this world  
Even without a pulse.

This is my heartbeat;  
This is my life.  
I have to deal with this myself,

But please,  
Please,  
Don't make me do it alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri
> 
> This is one of the first poems I wrote for this poetry cycle, but I've never published it until now. It takes place during episode 7!! Happy Yoi Anniversary!!!!


	12. Family, Rest

**Family**

I’m glad you haven’t told me that you love me.

For so long,  
I thought the people who had  
Didn’t mean it.

I thought they only wanted  
What I could give them.  
So, I kept giving  
And giving  
And giving.

And now, I’m here  
With almost nothing left to give,  
And there’s smiles all around me.

Even if I fail you  
I – I don’t know for sure –  
But I feel like they will still be there.

I can feel your love  
And theirs,  
Even if you don’t say anything.

And I think I was wrong  
About the others too.

 

**Rest**

I shouldn’t be here.

Your back is facing me,  
Pale,  
Even in the darkness.  
Your skin is smooth beneath  
My fingertips.

And I shouldn’t be here.

It’s selfish.  
It’s not good for you.  
I’m – I’m …

I’m so selfish.

You tell me to stay.  
You wrap your arm around me.

Pull me down.  
I won’t refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Family: Victor  
> \- Rest: Yuuri
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments much appreciated!


	13. Baggage Claim, Glass Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added: 6/26/18

**Baggage Claim**

It's been a day.  
It's only been a day.

It's been a lifetime,  
Eleven years,  
Six months,  
Seven time zones,  
A plane ride.

It's not enough.

You're quiet.  
The raindrops on the window  
Mingle with your breaths  
And mine.

It's rare,  
The flush down your neck,  
The mist in your eyes.  
Exhausted.

Go to sleep.

We'll unpack in the morning.

* * *

 

**Glass Wall**

There's a glass wall between us,  
A playboy trope, an unreliable narrator,  
Five gold medals,  
And you've shattered it all for me.

And you've shattered me with it.

I'm sorry,  
You're just -

I haven't felt this -  
Don't stop.

My heart,  
I can feel it,  
And yours.

Don't -  
Don't leave.

Stay.

Stay here

With me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Baggage Claim: Yuuri  
> \- Glass Wall: Victor
> 
> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, please leave kudos or a comment!


	14. Axel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Yuuri!!

**Axel**

I’ve always hated surprises.  
I like to see what’s ahead of me.

And yet,  
I’ve always lived for yours.

You’re staring at me now,  
You have been for a while.  
You’re blurred around the edges  
In the soft lights of the church.

And we’re here,  
And I don’t know  
If we’ll ever be like this again.

There’s nothing ahead of me right now,  
Except you  
You  
You,  
And the ice.

And I’ve done well,  
Haven’t I?

It’s gold,  
And I’ve known your size  
For years.

And it’s nice to see your hand  
Without a glove on it.

Say something.

Please.

Tell me I surprised you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri
> 
> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also thought I'd mention that if anyone's interested in getting a pillowfort account, I have a few codes that I got over the summer and then I got sick and completely forgot about them. So I wanted to offer them to everyone here first since you're all supporting my writing! I think I'll give away one code now if anyone wants one and then maybe another when I update another fic to give others a chance. The site's down right now, but when it's back up, if anyone would like a code, just message me on tumblr or twitter (or you can comment here if you don't have either of those but I'll need a private way to contact you ie email, discord). And please remember that the site's still in beta and only has a few people compared to tumblr, so only message me if you really want one <3


	15. Dream

**Dream**

I used to dream about this.  
I didn’t know if it was real.

I still don’t know if it’s real.

I can feel you,  
And I didn’t think that I could.

I thought myself incapable of feeling  
Anything that mattered.

“I love you?”  
I’d ask Makkachin.  
“I love you?  
I love you?”

Of course,  
I didn’t hear an answer.

But I can feel

you,

The pieces of life  
Shattering beneath your feet,  
The heart beating in your chest.

I feel it.

And I love you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Victor
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	16. Vicchan N°2

**Vicchan No.2**

Your hair runs smooth between my fingers,  
Your fingers through mine.

The snow is cold outside our window,  
But in my arms you're warm.

Let me keep you warm.

'Cause there's a lot of world   
For me to be afraid of.

But you,

I'm not afraid of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
> And that's the end of the poetry cycle! We've come full circle! Happy Valentine's Day💗 and thank you for reading!
> 
> If you enjoyed reading this, please leave a kudos or comment! I really appreciate every single one I get!
> 
> Find me on [pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/muttthecowcat), [twitter](https://twitter.com/cowcatandsilver), and [dreamwidth](https://muttthecowcat.dreamwidth.org/)!


End file.
